Wherever you are....be there.

     It was a nice class; the teacher was motivating, the class was interesting, the surroundings comfortable; but somehow, despite my best efforts to pay attention, to concentrate, to absorb as much as I could, my mind wasn't there. I kept realizing every few minutes that I had no idea what this guy had said, as I had been too busy planning ahead for the things I had to do next, making mental lists of the things I needed, remembering what someone has said to me and how I finally got the perfect answer, the one the would have given me the upper hand.

     And suddenly, as if arranged by magic, my mind cleared for a brief second so I could hear these words: wherever you are...be there.

     What? What do you mean "be there"? Aren't I here? I showed up, didn't I? I'm sitting here, looking at you, I make sure I have a smile on my face, I look at you directly, I nod once in awhile in agreement; what do you mean "be there"? I am here!

     But was I? Could I honestly say that I heard every word and truly understood the topic? Could I honestly say that I was there and I didn't miss a thing? That would be a big, fat NO.

     Yet this was an all too familiar territory for me; after all, when was the last time I was fully and completely and entirely in on place? I pride myself with being a multitasker, I can accomplish more when doing a few things at the same time, even if such things involve holding a crying child that needs comforting while boiling some water for the noodles and stirring the tomato sauce. I mean, that's not only dangerous...it's VERY dangerous. And add to that the fact that while my hands and arms are busy, my head is even busier, clouded with thoughts of self pity, and whining and complaining.

     So to put it simply, I'm not only always multitasking, I'm always over thinking. Always.

     No wonder peace and contentment are a rare commodity for me these days.

     So that little phrase really did start something inside me. How much have I really missed in life just because I was too busy planning life? How many little smiles from the tykes have I missed, or disregarded as unimportant, because I was too busy formulating a plan B,  just in case plan A didn't pan out?

     Being brutally honest with myself, I realized that most of the time I'm in a hurry, too busy to really be present with my kids, to really care for their requests, to really pay attention to their stories, to really hug them, and really kiss them.

     Every emptynester I know keeps telling me that these years go by so quickly; they all say time flies and before you know they're graduating; they all encourage me (sometimes it feels like they're begging me) to enjoy these years, to treasure them, to soak them up, to take tons of pictures and video, to ingrain the cute and cuddly moments  in my memory, because they won't last. They say soon they will want to pull away from me, be more independent; they say they might want to be with their friends and discover life on their own. They say soon, especially having boys, my hugs and kisses will join the list of gross-things-to-avoid-at-all-cost and they will not want to be hugged and kissed and smothered.

     And the thought of that really is terrifying, despite the fact that everyday I wish it was next day already; sometimes, when going thru the thickest part of mothering, meaning cleaning yet another messy diaper, wiping yet another buggery nose, cleaning yet another saggy bowl of cereal that stayed too long on the table -or long enough for Aaron to find it and dump it all over the floor- the thought of them being grown up and independent is like soft music to me ears.

     But not at that price. 

     So at least for today, I will do my best to really be here; to summon my mind, emotions and feelings back from la la land and really invest myself here at home; who knows? maybe that game of chutes and ladders Nathan has been wanting to play with me is not that bad after all.

     You know that still, small voice people keep talking about?

     Today it is telling me to bring my heart home......tomorrow can always wait.

"You are too concerned 

with what was

and what will be.

There's a saying:

Yesterday is history,

Tomorroy is a mistery,

but today is a gift.

That's why is called

'the present' ".

Master Oogway

Kung Fu Panda

"Life is what happens to you

when you are busy making other plans".

Lennon

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Jesus